One sentence movie review: "Don't Mess with Zohan"

I was having brunch with some friends this past Sunday when my friend Jesse, apropos of nothing drops mentions the new Adam Sandler movie, "Don't Mess with Zohan." Now, I'm not a huge comedy snob, I think a lot of Adam Sandler's stuff can be really funny. Steve Buschemi putting on lipstick in "Billy Madison" is pure weird comedy.

"Don't Mess With Zohan" looks a lot like a stool sample. Jesse, a man with normally good taste, disagrees. He thinks the preview looks really funny. He's not sure if the movie will live up to the high expectations of the preview, but he LOVES the preview.

Of course I thought of Jesse when I saw this simple and to the point graffiti review.

"Borat + Chuck Norris="Don't Mess with Zohan."
I mean, 'nuff said, right? That totally nails what is wrong with it. This movie is a completely rip-off of two things you don't want combined.

Another plus on the ad is Adam Sandler had to use a stunt double for his legs. There is no way he has thighs like that. NO WAY!

Spring Means Baseball! Go Sox!

Spring is upon us and that means that baseball is here again. Thank goodness!

So here are some fun baseball thing-a-ma-jigs (including one non-graffiti item).

Sox/Yanks rivalry ends in death.
Bruised up Yanks fan, Ivonne Hernandez ran over a few Red Sox fans, killing one. This dope of a woman was at a bar in Nashua, NH proclaiming her Yanks fandom then jumped into her car to escape the chants of "Yankees Suck." A Yankes fan in NH? I smell an execution.

Speaking of the Yankees...lookie, lookie what I found!

I was taking out the trash one fine day when I looked into the garbage and found a Yanks cap. Now I know what you are supposed to do with those hats. I wonder if that hat is covering Phil Hughes ERA. Ha ha! Yankees suck!

And here is some fun Mets graffiti:

SNY has a bunch of Mets ads up around the city that frustrated fans have been delighting in scribbling over.

David Wright

Professional sports is the hobgoblin of the weak
Yikes. I love it when graffiti gets dorky and philosophical!

This graffiti is a little more NYC Classic:

I *think* that is Jose Reyes but I don't watch the Mets enough to know or care. But who cares WHAT player it is when he is smoking a huge "bluntz" while sliding into a base.

Play ball!

Simple and Sarcastic. Swoon.

The new Tylenol "Feel Better" ads that seem to be challenging Brett Gelman's "Little Bit of Luck" for title of NYC's most ubiquitous ads, are very Captain Obvious. They offer helpful advice such as "when you're hungry eat" and "if you can't sleep take a sleeping pill." Not exactly groundbreaking advertising.

So imagine my delight when I stumbled on this simple and perfectly snarky graffiti.

"If you're sick, GENIUS take a sick day."

Genius. I love the correct punctuation. I love the simplicity. And I love that someone crossed out "Tylenol" and added a tag. Like we're to believe that Tylenol no longer makes Tylenol. Clean pink slippers. An added bonus.

Eliot: Spitzer or 'ET?

I saw this ad for keeping it green where someone wrote "Why Eliot?" I guess because of the bike my immediate thought was "this person is obsessed with 'ET' the movie." Then, to quote my sophomore English teacher who died from complications due to alcoholism, 'light dawns on marble head." Eliot Spitzer. Who boinked a whore and had to quit his governor. I get it!

Enjoy the graffiti the way Eliot enjoyed that $4,000 hummer!

Dicks. Always Funny.

I've never met a dirty joke I don't like. I will never NOT think that farting, crapping, poop, boners, boobies and taints are not funny. When I was signing a Valentines Day card for my nephew I changed the message from "To the most fantastic kid I know" to "To the most fartastic kid I know." I don't care if I'm ninety with grandkids all around me. If one of them says, "Nana, you farted." I'm gonna die laughing. (Probably for real if I'm ninety.)

My friend Ari (Go Pats, Go Sox, Go Celtics) sent me some sweet MTA graffiti that goes perfectly with my predilection for the humor de bleu.

"This could be the last ride of his life. 'Cause his dick's stuck in the doors!"
I like that our graffiti artist has pointed to the man's buttock/groin area. As if the reader wouldn't be sure where this mysterious "dick" he wrote of was located.

I am Legend! Spoiler Alert!

I recently saw "I am Legend" at the prompting of my good friend, Bibi. And let me tell you, this is one bummer of a movie. Spoiler alert! Will Smith strangles a dog to death. Good times! Bibi is about the biggest animal lover on the planet so she sobbed throughout the whole puppy execution.

End Spoiler

I came across this sweet piece of graffiti in Astoria visiting my friends John and Jeff. I'm glad I snagged some graffiti since I was faced with a 2 hour commute from Queens to Brooklyn. Guess how long it would have taken in a car? Four seconds. Drat.

This really cracked me up. It reminds me of something my nephew would blithely say. "The last man on earth is not alone." Who is with him? Zombies? Murderers? His ex-wife? Nope, silly it is his pooch! Standing right next to him.

Spoiler Alert! Until Will Smith murders him. End Spoiler Alert!

Hardy Har Har-LEAD PAINT!

Frequent contributor, Damian Chadwick, sends in this gem with the note: "turns out lead paint can be funny." No crap! Lead paint is hilarious. When Julie and I were in LA she had a run in with a soy paint acolyte. We both decided we preferred the NYC ethos: where our meat is rare and our paint is lead.

I am not sure what Dennis Rodman has to do with lead paint. But in the long run, who cares? Random accusations is the heart of subway graffiti!

God is Jaclyn Smith

The ever delightful, Collen Kane, sent in this graf. (100% DEFINITELY check out her blog at

Collen writes:
"I took this picture last night while drunk. I'm sure I saw better grafitti last night but that's the only one I ended up snapping. It's funny to me because "God is good" isn't the first thought that comes to my mind when considering this ad, or the second one, or third...etc."

I am pretty sure God wasn't watching "Shear Genius." I mean no one was.

Hairy Dinosaur Dick

This graffiti entry comes from Lauren in NC. She has a polaroid blog over at

Apparently someone has a "hairy pieradaciyl penis." First off, "pterodactyl" is spelled wrong. But it is an ambitious word for a spray-paint graffiti tag. I wonder why the person tagged that house, barn, it is own and he decided not to try and simply spray-paint his dating profile? Is it a more specific way to toilet paper someone's home? A modern day scarlet letter?

Or maybe a dinosaur lives there and he really has a hairy dick.

Save Abba!

The immigration debate extends to the Swedish pop-band, Abba. Will we ever be free? I love th die-hard Republican who sees a poster for "Mama Mia" and thinks "immigration" and not "Broadway has forever been ruined."

Thanks to Jen for sending it in.